Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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