how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
