I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
