Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
