either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
