if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
