He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
