TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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