Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
These tits shall not be calmed
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
