I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You should frame my arrest warrant.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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