so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
