Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
