allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
