I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
