It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
