Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
