I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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