Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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