If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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