are you still at the devil's house?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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