I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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