girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
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oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
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I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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