I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
