i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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