so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
