the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
