In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
