apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
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She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
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Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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