Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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