Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
