Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
