just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
