I didn't shave. On purpose
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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