Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
