I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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