will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
