We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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