epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
