I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
