Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
