shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
