Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
