i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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