Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
