He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
