we have pet lesbian snakes
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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