I am spending my child support on dildos
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
