My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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