So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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