forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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