of course. lets lasso hookers.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
