Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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