Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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