I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
