and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
