She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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