I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
